Worth A Moment

Our journey to walk WORTHY (Eph 4:1)

Author: Nick Worth (Page 2 of 3)

Passionate, loving, husband and father of 2 boys and 1 baby girl. Currently serves as the high school worship leader at Calvary Community Church in Glendale, AZ and works as the Lead Developer for Rapid Recovery, while owning and operating Div Truth LLC. A firm believer that where your treasure is there your heart will be also, so don't let your heart deceive you, from your lips will come the thoughts of your heart.

June 5, 2017 / / 0 Comments

This article is part 3 of 3 subtopics from the “Lifelong Learning Assessment on Marriage“

The Function of the Family

Concrete Experience

From the moment my wife and I returned from our honeymoon and were handed the high school ministry at our church, ministry has always been a focal point within our family. God was always the center of our relationship, therefore serving Him and giving back has always been a driving motivator in our lives. After a couple years, kids began to enter the picture and our approach towards ministry began to change. At first the changes were subtle, but as a new child entered the picture, and as each began to grow into the unique individuals that they are, the choice to do ministry was not as simple.

Our kids were growing up so fast, and although we never wanted to a miss a moment, it was clear that we couldn’t be both fully present in ministry and our children’s lives at all times. At times our kids were praying for the needs of the hurting all around us, as they asked God to feed the people they saw on the street, or to find a home for the kids that were in the foster care system. Then there were moments where they cried for attention, not wanting to wake up early for church, or spend quality family time not at home together. The struggle to balance family and ministry was and is a difficult task with no clear instruction.

Observation/Reflection

At first I didn’t realize how my pace towards ministry changed when I got married. Andrea and I were both so motivated to serve wherever God had us, we genuinely believed that our marriage would enables us to do more than we ever could have done alone. As we became parents both of our perspectives were challenged, our hearts to love our students and to love our children were being defined for the first time. It was never a question that we loved the people in our lives, but how do you ensure that those people know you love them?

Although ministry was a focal point within our marriage, what would be its place within our family? Furthermore, what would be the purpose of our household? As parents you quickly learn to embrace the responsibility of survival; that we will provide and protect our children to the best of our abilities. But more than keeping them alive into their adulthood, we begin to consider how we would raise them to be mature individuals, godly men and women, and possible influential leaders of their generation. Unfortunately, parents cannot force family values into the hearts of their children, but by building pillars of character into them you can impact the world in a way that cannot be accomplished in the absence of a family.

Abstract Generalizations

The function of the family relies so much on God’s teaching to each individual: “husbands love your wives” (Ephesians 5:25), “wives submit to your husbands” (5:22), “children obey your parents” (6:1), “fathers, do not provoke your children to anger” (6:4). These instructions are true because they identify deeply rooted aspects of our rebellious nature that God understands about us regardless of our belief in Him. For example, the instruction for husbands and wives is one of “Love and Respect,” and Dr. Emerson Eggerichs clearly portrays this interdependency between the husband and wife through what he calls “The Crazy Cycle” (2005, Emerson). This cycle is observed when a wife disrespects her husband in some way which leads him to be unloving to her, in response she again shows him disrespect and the cycle continues until one of the two heeds the instruction of God’s word, “each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33, NIV).

To be a husband and father is a choice to enlist in God’s design, “joining God in the creation of new life and training them in the fear of the Lord is spiritual warfare” (Watters, 2014). As the head of the household (1 Corinthians 11:3), husbands are to provide vision and maintain perspective that will direct and keep the family unit operating as one. As a husband surrenders his will to God’s authority, and his wife respects his leadership, she then demonstrates obedience for her children to participate in.

Scientifically, this divine structure is sound. As acclaimed psychologist Dr. Gottman points out in his counseling of marriage and family, a fundamental principle of relationships is “influence;” allowing yourself to be affected by others (Lisitsa, 2012). All relationships have the potential for influence, and rightfully so we must be on guard against toxic influences (1 Corinthians 15:33), but the family structure provides a framework of trust that bypasses all defenses one could put around their heart.

Application

As we embraced the changing seasons of life, we learned to welcome our roles. Our balance for ministry and family was no longer a task to complete or some mark of achievement; rather it was a barometer to maintain perspective. As a husband first, does my wife feel that I love her and do I know she respects me? As parents, ensuring to always love our children first, we made every effort to communicate to them that our love and our understanding of the concept comes from God’s demonstration of it.

From these foundational, family first perspectives we could function as a family outside of our own household. Just as God’s love could not be contained, my family can now see how my love for them is not reserved or favored to one another. Likewise, our family’s love for one another is not kept isolated to ourselves, but as family we go to meet the needs of those in our community; extending the patience, grace, and love that we practice in our home.

A family, no matter the size or stature, should represent the human pursuit of unity. Not absorbing and embodying one singular personality, but building one another up in such a way to produce the best of each individual. The process of family teaches us to put aside our innate selfishness and to support one another through an unchosen bond of trust and loyalty. It is unfortunate in our day and age that too often this establishment is abandon; not only for the family involved, but the community they inhabit.

Continue reading:
Lifelong Learning Assessment on Marriage

June 5, 2017 / / 0 Comments

This article is part 2 of 3 subtopics from the “Lifelong Learning Assessment on Marriage“

The Early Marriage Stage of Family Development

Concrete Experience

Now that I had a clear understanding of how to approach marriage, I was able to intentionally pursue a wife. On March 6th, 2002, I asked my now father-in-law to court his daughter with the intention of considering marriage. With his approval Andrea Balderrama and I began our courtship dance, which led to a promise, then eventually an engagement, and lastly our wedding day on May 22, 2004. A few years later God blessed us with our first born son, David-Nicholas. Shortly after that we had Logan-Matthew. And finally this past year, our daughter Aria Linda.

With a full-house comes a full gamut of responsibility. For years I tried to balance the different demands of being a husband, father, brother, and son, but being a leader, provider, counselor, and friend among other things is not an easy task. Often I experienced seasons of focus on a single role because of the overwhelming nature of each. As I intentionally made daily decisions to become better at each position I would make strides in one area only to find myself lacking in another. It was becoming clear that, like most people, I wanted these relationships but I didn’t always want the responsibility that came with each.

Observation/Reflection

Now, over a decade into marriage, I begin to understand and fully grasp things that are foundational to the very institution. For example, if only I realized the significance of our wedding day in the context of family I might have emphasized and practiced my role as a husband sooner than later; foregoing the overwhelming reaction I had when children became part of the equation. As I pursued marriage I had set my sights on a long lasting relationship, divorce proof and unbreakable, but as the years passed I began to see that what I should have pursued from the beginning was family. Those vows were not just the beginning of our lasting relationship, but they were the beginning of a family of two.

As life went on, stopping for no one, my wife and I had to adapt to our newly found roles together, and in essence, that was the beauty of marriage that I began to see. No matter what life threw our way we got to do it together; failures, successes and all. Married or not, life demands these attributes of us all, every relationship carries with it a responsibility. Family values, traditions, and worldviews are all defined within the context of family, so to take that responsibility lightly is to miss out on the biggest opportunity each of us has.

Abstract Generalizations

Fortunately, our approach towards marriage through our courtship season helped my wife and I grow in our thinking about the opposition we would face in our life together. I cannot imagine how couples handle the responsibility that comes with marriage without a strong foundation in God’s design for the institution. God purposed a different, but equal role between a husband and wife, “God first prepared the man for his wife, creating a deficiency only she could fill” (Hinnant, 2015). Out of man’s need for companionship God made for Adam a wife and helpmate, “made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved” (Henry).

It is said, “the family is the most important unit of society” (Graham, 2016), and what begins with a husband and wife eventually becomes a father and mother. Understanding our roles enables us to accept our responsibilities. “Children need to learn that being part of a family, a team or a class involves accepting responsibilities” (Focus on the Family, 2004). Parents shape their children’s understanding of these roles whether they intend to or not. Although, there may not be a clear right way to parent, there are definitely pitfalls to avoid, one of the most dangerous is being an absent parent. An “emotionally unavailable” (Norman, 2014) parent can produce a dangerous void in a child’s life, and a “child with no heart connection and a relational emptiness they will fill with someone, somehow” (Johnson, 2011). Therefore, very early when building a family it is vital to commit to this responsibility, not even to fully understand it, but to commit to the goal of raising a family.

Application

My experience of starting a family at such a young age has taught me to embrace responsibility as a vital part of relationship. These years of first hand experiences, coupled with my fortified commitment to my wife and my marriage, have made the vision for leading a family clearer. It was never about finding “the one” but rather being the one. As a leader you begin to realize the power of your sphere of influence, and as a father and husband I began to see that my family was and is my sphere of influence.

With these motivations internalized, my wife and I began to foster family values in a way that strengthened our marriage and directed our family. We memorialized our last name (Worth) into a hashtag, categorizing what we do as a family in the form of “#worthit.” Like a modern day family crest we would pass on the standards and value of our family, collectively deciding to “walk worthy”, to encourage a strong “worth-ethic” and integrity in deed that would live up to our name.

Continue reading the next subtopic:
The Function of the Family

June 5, 2017 / / 0 Comments

This article is part 1 of 3 subtopics from the “Lifelong Learning Assessment on Marriage“

The Process of Courtship

Concrete Experience

To begin, like the majority of my generation, I was not raised with a concept of courtship, so the process and even the terminology was foreign to me. Although, I “dated” a lot growing up, some may have stereotyped me as a typical guy, but even still I did hope that someday I would discover “the one” I could spend my life with; I just didn’t know how to find that. My model of marriage was not a very healthy one as my parents divorced when I was twelve. As I matured towards adulthood the question of marriage became much more a reality, and for me not just the opportunity itself, but the commitment. I had vowed that I would not let divorce be an option for my future family, I would not allow that pain of separation to be part of my marriage.

Eventually I read a very thought provoking book titled, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance” by Joshua Harris. To say this book got me thinking would be an understatement; it was the catalyst for my adulthood. Never before this time did I realize the side effects of my care free dating, nor the missed opportunity passed up to prepare for God’s future blessings in my life. In the opening chapter Joshua retells a dream he had of his wedding, in which multiple brides came to the altar. The vivid image he explained was used by God to convict him that every woman he had ever kissed was someone else’s future wife because they were not his. Chapter by chapter his journey through courtship was one I could definitely relate to as a man, and a God-fearing man who desired a lasting, satisfied marriage.

Observation/Reflection

As I examined Joshua’s conclusions on courtship I began to really consider and pray about my own marriage to come, and what it would require of me to have the lasting commitment I desired. Much like a young entrepreneur who dreams of owning a business, it is naive to think the success of that business would come by happenstance. Instead, I realized it would require preparation, work, organization and many things operating together to eventually achieve success. Like many men, I wanted a successful marriage but had no idea what one looked like. Men that want the wife of their dreams, but they have no perception of reality to grasp what the husband of her dreams resembles. If the wife I prayed for was to be a God-fearing, husband respecting, beautiful in character, virtuous women, then what would she want with a lukewarm Christian like myself? Moreover, how would I ever lead a woman like that?

Abstract Generalizations

Consequently, it became very clear that the process of courtship would begin with a season of singleness; a time of preparation, an opportunity of discipleship. “Singleness is a gift” (Harris, 2003). That statement is so controversial to a culture that compares singleness to a death sentence. But John Piper elevated singleness by stating, “there are glories that can’t be shown in marriage but only in singleness” (Piper, 1981). Finally, more recently Elevation Church pastor, Steven Furtick teaching on “Times and Seasons” preached, “there’s a strength in this season if you can seize it” (Furtick, 2013). Therefore, it is evident that there is a season for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1), but what is not clear is how we are to enjoy and benefit from each season, especially if we are like snowbirds constantly avoiding the season we’re in. The wisdom from this observation is to see the beauty and the opportunity of each season, if it is one of preparation then prepare, if it is one of restoration then restore, but seize the opportunity of that season.

Application

For myself this was applied in a transformational way, as I repelled opportunities for dating I drew closer in my contact with Christ. I found complete fulfillment in my relationship with Him alone and began to see the women in my life with the purity of Christ’s eyes, as sister’s in the Lord. A sense of chivalry was nurtured as I wanted a successful marriage not just for myself but for others as well. This meant protecting the hearts of the women in my life, and praying for the same courtesy from the men in my future wife’s life.

As I lived out this new conviction in my life not only did I begin to see God’s will for my life more clearly, but I realized the value of the foundation I was building. As I said before, it is actually pretty easy to find and pursue a bride, but extremely difficult to continue that pursuit with the same intensity through the many seasons of marriage when you foster short term thinking in your relationships.

Continue reading the next subtopic:
The Early Marriage Stage of Family Development

The One My Heart Trusts

February 14, 2016 / / 0 Comments

I’m sure most husbands can relate to the following statements:

“My wife doesn’t know how beautiful she is…”
“..she still doesn’t understand how I love her so much”

(when asked if she looks fat),

“you have to be fat to look fat babe”

My wife and I are approaching 12 years this May #goals –will you still be my valentine? –Always! . When I think about the ways that I love her I realize she probably doesn’t even know. She probably still doesn’t get it. To her credit though, if I was being honest, it is a moving target. Because when I take the moment to describe my adoration for her I realize its different than the last time. I’m writing this to say, that is a very good thing.

A love that is constantly being redefined is #refreshing! Whether you were fighting and you determined your love for one another through your resolve, or through just another day that you got to appreciate each other, you took the moment to recognize what you have; either way it is revitalizing.

A love that is refreshing is a love that is #growing! Change will reflect one of two things: growth or death. Our natural instinct is to keep love alive, but there are also many natural causes that will attempt to destroy our understanding of love. Thankfully it is never about the circumstance, rather it is what we do under the circumstances that determine whether or not our love will grow from this.

You’re not just exposing your experiences and insecurities to them, you are becoming who you are right before them

A love that continually grows is #active! Love that is willing to reveal its many angles is trusting, vulnerable, and totally worth it! Growing up or growing old has many things to look forward to, but it also has its awkward moments. It’s one thing to share your life with someone, it’s another to share your spirit with them. You’re not just exposing your experiences and insecurities to them, you are becoming who you are right before them. Think about that. Things that are hidden from you about yourself will eventually be revealed to you for the first time and your spouse will be there for the unveiling.

#ThisIsLove

This is a reminder to me of why vows are so selflessly worded. “I will love you…” no matter what is behind the curtain tomorrow. An active love is not just words, but it is the present verb to say I will BE there, to care for, to protect, to guide, and to ensure you make it, just as I would for myself. My wife is not just beautiful, smart and an endless list wonderful things, she is the one my heart trust… #feels

“Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 1 John 4:8

Remembering that “God is Love” is monumental to this entire thought. Consider the hope we have on this side of heaven with an endless understanding of love. God is Love which is the source of this infinite supply. To say I fully understand love would be to claim to fully understand God, since I cannot do that I will be patient in the things that I do not understand. We all have a need to be loved because we all have a need for God, He made that clear in 1 John 4:8. So pursue a love that is refreshing (John 4:14), growing (John 15:5), and active (John 13:34).

The Arizona Cardinals Should Have Won

January 25, 2016 / / 0 Comments
Preface

cam-newtonThis is an emotional response to the crushing loss and humiliating ending to the Arizona Cardinals NFL 2015-2016 season.  This feeling of fury and rage felt at the deepest part of one’s gut is NOT one that can be put into words, but for some fans, this picture alone can induce the feeling.

During that moment I tried to express my distaste for the classless sportsmanship through Twitter, but I’m not sure that was the best way to resolve my feelings:

Disappointment is something I definitely struggle with. Most of the time I place no hope in anything on earth (considering how hopeless it is). But sports represent a different kind of hope, a hope that is intentionally temporal; meaning even when you win you understand the victory is momentary. So in the big scheme of things winning is never everything, but in the context of competition you hope for that temporal victory because of the hunger of the passion within you. Passion is something internal, it doesn’t just “hope” with optimism, but it feeds on any opportunity to triumph. As long as there is an opportunity then there is a hunger, and that hunger is not satisfied until it has seized the opportunity.

“…in the big scheme of things winning is never everything”

What happens when your passion falls short of its pursuit? The opportunity escapes and your passion is more hungry than when it began. Like a cheetah who exhausts itself at its top speed only to see its prey prance away. The opportunity may be gone forever but the hunger rages on. Will your temper ever really be tamed if it settles for anything less?

#TamingPassion

Since desire and passion are seated within our hearts, perhaps we should remind ourselves of where this unquenchable passion really comes from. We have a Creator who claims to have an all-giving, all-reaching, compassionate, everlasting, forgiving, immovable, irrefutable, irresistible, merciful, overarching, passionate, priceless, undeniable, unfailing, unsearchable, unstoppable love for us that is stronger than death. Like a fire that cannot be quenched by water, God displayed a picture of this passion for His people when He devoured Elisha’s sacrifice with fire from heaven even after it was drenched. If you think your passion is eager, compare it to God’s. His love for you is JEALOUS! (Exodus 34:14) His love for you will always PROTECT, always TRUST, always HOPE, always PERSEVERE. And ultimately, His love never fails! (1 Corinthians 13:6-7)

So while success may be sweet and loss can be bitter, love is still the only thing that satisfies. Seasons may come and go but love will always remain. 1 John 4:8 tells us that “God is Love,” He does not just contain this passion within Himself but He IS the relentless passion. He is the pursuer of the human heart, the lover of your heart, and He put within you that same unquenchable desire so that you might pursue Him.

Therefore, let your passions burn! Let your zeal rage! You were created with intense emotions so that you might run to the Father with the same fervor He has for you. Run the race, “Run in such a way as to get the prize… a crown that will last forever” (1 Corinthians 9:24-25).

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