Our journey to walk WORTHY (Eph 4:1)

Tag: Parenthood

This article is part 2 of 3 subtopics from the “Lifelong Learning Assessment on Marriage

The Early Marriage Stage of Family Development

Concrete Experience

Now that I had a clear understanding of how to approach marriage, I was able to intentionally pursue a wife. On March 6th, 2002, I asked my now father-in-law to court his daughter with the intention of considering marriage. With his approval Andrea Balderrama and I began our courtship dance, which led to a promise, then eventually an engagement, and lastly our wedding day on May 22, 2004. A few years later God blessed us with our first born son, David-Nicholas. Shortly after that we had Logan-Matthew. And finally this past year, our daughter Aria Linda.

With a full-house comes a full gamut of responsibility. For years I tried to balance the different demands of being a husband, father, brother, and son, but being a leader, provider, counselor, and friend among other things is not an easy task. Often I experienced seasons of focus on a single role because of the overwhelming nature of each. As I intentionally made daily decisions to become better at each position I would make strides in one area only to find myself lacking in another. It was becoming clear that, like most people, I wanted these relationships but I didn’t always want the responsibility that came with each.


Now, over a decade into marriage, I begin to understand and fully grasp things that are foundational to the very institution. For example, if only I realized the significance of our wedding day in the context of family I might have emphasized and practiced my role as a husband sooner than later; foregoing the overwhelming reaction I had when children became part of the equation. As I pursued marriage I had set my sights on a long lasting relationship, divorce proof and unbreakable, but as the years passed I began to see that what I should have pursued from the beginning was family. Those vows were not just the beginning of our lasting relationship, but they were the beginning of a family of two.

As life went on, stopping for no one, my wife and I had to adapt to our newly found roles together, and in essence, that was the beauty of marriage that I began to see. No matter what life threw our way we got to do it together; failures, successes and all. Married or not, life demands these attributes of us all, every relationship carries with it a responsibility. Family values, traditions, and worldviews are all defined within the context of family, so to take that responsibility lightly is to miss out on the biggest opportunity each of us has.

Abstract Generalizations

Fortunately, our approach towards marriage through our courtship season helped my wife and I grow in our thinking about the opposition we would face in our life together. I cannot imagine how couples handle the responsibility that comes with marriage without a strong foundation in God’s design for the institution. God purposed a different, but equal role between a husband and wife, “God first prepared the man for his wife, creating a deficiency only she could fill” (Hinnant, 2015). Out of man’s need for companionship God made for Adam a wife and helpmate, “made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved” (Henry).

It is said, “the family is the most important unit of society” (Graham, 2016), and what begins with a husband and wife eventually becomes a father and mother. Understanding our roles enables us to accept our responsibilities. “Children need to learn that being part of a family, a team or a class involves accepting responsibilities” (Focus on the Family, 2004). Parents shape their children’s understanding of these roles whether they intend to or not. Although, there may not be a clear right way to parent, there are definitely pitfalls to avoid, one of the most dangerous is being an absent parent. An “emotionally unavailable” (Norman, 2014) parent can produce a dangerous void in a child’s life, and a “child with no heart connection and a relational emptiness they will fill with someone, somehow” (Johnson, 2011). Therefore, very early when building a family it is vital to commit to this responsibility, not even to fully understand it, but to commit to the goal of raising a family.


My experience of starting a family at such a young age has taught me to embrace responsibility as a vital part of relationship. These years of first hand experiences, coupled with my fortified commitment to my wife and my marriage, have made the vision for leading a family clearer. It was never about finding “the one” but rather being the one. As a leader you begin to realize the power of your sphere of influence, and as a father and husband I began to see that my family was and is my sphere of influence.

With these motivations internalized, my wife and I began to foster family values in a way that strengthened our marriage and directed our family. We memorialized our last name (Worth) into a hashtag, categorizing what we do as a family in the form of “#worthit.” Like a modern day family crest we would pass on the standards and value of our family, collectively deciding to “walk worthy”, to encourage a strong “worth-ethic” and integrity in deed that would live up to our name.

Continue reading the next subtopic:
The Function of the Family

A Letter to the Medium Man

Kids are unique. We all know that, and still I catch myself trying to put each one in a category (birth order, introvert/extrovert, easy/expert level, glue-eater, etc), and “train them up” the same way. Sometimes we all get stuck “in the middle,” and I know I need that refresher that reminds me each one of my kids are bright individuals with different passions, goals, and personalities and will need individualized discipline, communication and even celebrations (we have one party animal and one house mouse). 😉 Here’s a letter we gave our “middle child” on his birthday to celebrate his journey of avoiding that middle life.


Your Daddy and I don’t know what it’s like being the middle child; Daddy is the first born in his family and I’m the baby in mine. We grew up with a different vantage point than you. Based on our formal research, (television shows), the middle child is often the one who has to fight for attention, follows in their older sibling’s footsteps, and is often overshadowed by the baby.download

But you, Logan, you have redefined what being the “middle child” is all about.

As your Mommy, I don’t see you as the forgotten kid, because you have such a unique, sweet, and serving personality that makes you shine with your big brother and baby sister. Instead of just following in David’s footsteps, you support your older brother and have become his lifelong built in best friend. The way you anticipate your sister’s needs can never be overlooked; you were made to be her big brother.

You’ll never have to fight for attention, because of Christ in your heart, He sees you and is with you even at times when we can’t be.

So now that you are entering your 6th year of life, we wanted to share 6 things we love about you:

1. You are Funny – I don’t know other kids who can pick up impressions like you or throw in the funniest joke when we least expect it. You keep us smiling with your silly and cheeky personality!
(“A cheerful heart is good medicine” -Proverbs 17:22)

2. You are Compassionate – How many times have you asked how I was feeling, or brought someone an ice pack? I can’t keep track, because your intuition to help others is who you are. You see needs that even as a Mommy I might miss. I know I can count on you to give a hug when it’s most needed, and you seem to identify with other people hurting.
(“Put on then, a compassionate heart” -Colossians 3:12)

3. Your Faith is Cool – It’s so neat to see how you are making your belief in Jesus your own. I love to hear your prayers that God would protect your family, (especially from scorpions), and you trust that Jesus will be with you when you are scared. You are not afraid to grow your faith, asking questions that are bigger than you to get the answers your heart needs.

4. You are a Friend – You’re a friend to everyone! Even before you know their names! You are a friend to the friendless, and you know how to include others in to the group. To have friends, you have to be a friend, and you sir, are a friend for sure!

5. You are Genuine – You have the most open heart and have a way of making people feel comfortable by truly loving them. Some people grow up hiding parts of themselves from others, afraid of how people will think of them, but you are 100%, one of a kind, yourself!

6. You Understand Family – You’re definitely a family man! I know you are shaping to be a young man who will someday lead his own family. The way you value family is wise, your test will be to never lose that quality. Its a good thing you are in the middle because you can practice being the glue that holds a family together.

So Logan, even though you’re the Medium Man in our family, remember that like you once told me, at Starbucks you’re a GRANDE! You’ve embraced the middle-ness and made it larger, greater, taller, and awesomer!

Love Beyond Words,
Mommy and Daddy

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