Our journey to walk WORTHY (Eph 4:1)

Tag: Courtship

Lifelong Learning Assessment on Marriage

Recently I finally submitted a long overdue Lifelong Learning Assessment (LLA), a paper that I wrote in college for credit I earned outside the classroom. Considering the motivation of our blog is to genuinely share our experiences in hopes they can encourage and inspire others, I thought this debrief of our of courtship and marriage could be a great read for our followers.

With that said, below I have posted my LLA submission on the topic of Marriage. Since this was a 10 page assignment I went ahead and broke the subtopics into separate post hopefully making it easier to read through. Also, in order to demonstrate learning from my experience the paper had to outline the learning cycle through each of Kolb’s four stages of learning (Concrete experience, Observations and reflections, Generalizations, Applications), through three separate subtopics.

Enjoy and please comment with any thoughts or feedback you have at the end!


Love has been called many things: a metaphor, a battlefield, a headache, a losing game, and yet often referred to as “the greatest thing.” Although, beyond all the speculation on the concept, many young, and often still maturing individuals, “fall in love,” which results as the premise for starting a family of their own. Considering that the foundation for how an individual understands the entire world can often be traced to their family institution or lack thereof, it is strange that the basis for instituting such a large responsibility is often decided by “falling” into a feeling that cannot be fully conceptualized. For this reason, I find it valuable to share my experience regarding this important decision. Unlike most Hollywood scripts written on this subject, this is not a plot about how “the boy gets the girl,” (it is overplayed and clearly not as valuable), rather this is a story about how the boy keeps the girl. Covering the process of courtship, the early marriage stages of family development and the function of the family.

  1. The Process of Courtship
  2. The Early Marriage Stage of Family Development
  3. The Function of the Family


In summary, I want to encourage you to challenge what you understand about the institution of marriage, especially its relationship to the family organization. Consider the very real concept of love and the influence it has on such a large area of your life. Love is not just the basis for starting a family, but it is foundational to the entire structure; without it, marriage and families cannot weather the storms that will inevitably come into their lives. It is important to approach such a commitment with an experienced and mature understanding of unconditional love, as well as, a young passion that can revitalize and rekindle that commitment. Thankfully, the greatest picture of love has been forever inscribed on our hearts and in God’s Word. Therefore let us be wise and model the example of Christ for our loved ones so that they too can experience the blessings of true love in their life.


  • Eggerichs, Emerson. “The Crazy Cycle.” Focus on the Family. N.p., 2005. Web. 02 Jan. 2017.
  • Graham, Billy . “Responsibility of Family.” Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. N.p., 27 Jan. Web. 02 Jan. 2017.
  • Harris, Joshua. I kissed dating goodbye. Sisters, Or.: Multnomah , 1997. Print.
  • Henry, Matthew, A Commentary on the Whole Bible, vol. 1, Fleming Revell Company, Old Tappan, New Jersey, p. 20, n.d.
  • Hinnant, Greg. “Why God Created Marriage for a Man and Woman.” Charisma Magazine. N.p.,
  • 28 Jan. 2015. Web. 02 Jan. 2017.
  • Johnson, Jim. “Pitfalls of the Modern Family.” Preston Trail Community Church. N.p., 27 Aug. Web. 02 Jan. 2017.
  • Lisitsa, Ellie. “The Sound Relationship House: The Positive Perspective.” The Gottman Institute.
  • 3 min read, 28 Nov. 2012. Web. 02 Jan. 2017.
  • Macy, Tom. “Sex and the Single Person.” Tom Macy. N.p., 12 Sept. 2013. Web. 02 Jan. 2017.
  • Norman, Rachel,. “The Dangers of a Present But Absent Parent.” A Mother Far from Home. N.p.,
  • 18 Jan. 2014. Web. 02 Jan. 2017.
  • Piper, John. “Sex and the Single Person.” Desiring God. N.p., 1981. Web. 02 Jan. 2017.
  • Watters, Candice. “Should a husband place ministry or family first?” Boundless. N.p., 18 Feb. 2014. Web. 02 Jan. 2017.

This article is part 1 of 3 subtopics from the “Lifelong Learning Assessment on Marriage

The Process of Courtship

Concrete Experience

To begin, like the majority of my generation, I was not raised with a concept of courtship, so the process and even the terminology was foreign to me. Although, I “dated” a lot growing up, some may have stereotyped me as a typical guy, but even still I did hope that someday I would discover “the one” I could spend my life with; I just didn’t know how to find that. My model of marriage was not a very healthy one as my parents divorced when I was twelve. As I matured towards adulthood the question of marriage became much more a reality, and for me not just the opportunity itself, but the commitment. I had vowed that I would not let divorce be an option for my future family, I would not allow that pain of separation to be part of my marriage.

Eventually I read a very thought provoking book titled, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance” by Joshua Harris. To say this book got me thinking would be an understatement; it was the catalyst for my adulthood. Never before this time did I realize the side effects of my care free dating, nor the missed opportunity passed up to prepare for God’s future blessings in my life. In the opening chapter Joshua retells a dream he had of his wedding, in which multiple brides came to the altar. The vivid image he explained was used by God to convict him that every woman he had ever kissed was someone else’s future wife because they were not his. Chapter by chapter his journey through courtship was one I could definitely relate to as a man, and a God-fearing man who desired a lasting, satisfied marriage.


As I examined Joshua’s conclusions on courtship I began to really consider and pray about my own marriage to come, and what it would require of me to have the lasting commitment I desired. Much like a young entrepreneur who dreams of owning a business, it is naive to think the success of that business would come by happenstance. Instead, I realized it would require preparation, work, organization and many things operating together to eventually achieve success. Like many men, I wanted a successful marriage but had no idea what one looked like. Men that want the wife of their dreams, but they have no perception of reality to grasp what the husband of her dreams resembles. If the wife I prayed for was to be a God-fearing, husband respecting, beautiful in character, virtuous women, then what would she want with a lukewarm Christian like myself? Moreover, how would I ever lead a woman like that?

Abstract Generalizations

Consequently, it became very clear that the process of courtship would begin with a season of singleness; a time of preparation, an opportunity of discipleship. “Singleness is a gift” (Harris, 2003). That statement is so controversial to a culture that compares singleness to a death sentence. But John Piper elevated singleness by stating, “there are glories that can’t be shown in marriage but only in singleness” (Piper, 1981). Finally, more recently Elevation Church pastor, Steven Furtick teaching on “Times and Seasons” preached, “there’s a strength in this season if you can seize it” (Furtick, 2013). Therefore, it is evident that there is a season for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1), but what is not clear is how we are to enjoy and benefit from each season, especially if we are like snowbirds constantly avoiding the season we’re in. The wisdom from this observation is to see the beauty and the opportunity of each season, if it is one of preparation then prepare, if it is one of restoration then restore, but seize the opportunity of that season.


For myself this was applied in a transformational way, as I repelled opportunities for dating I drew closer in my contact with Christ. I found complete fulfillment in my relationship with Him alone and began to see the women in my life with the purity of Christ’s eyes, as sister’s in the Lord. A sense of chivalry was nurtured as I wanted a successful marriage not just for myself but for others as well. This meant protecting the hearts of the women in my life, and praying for the same courtesy from the men in my future wife’s life.

As I lived out this new conviction in my life not only did I begin to see God’s will for my life more clearly, but I realized the value of the foundation I was building. As I said before, it is actually pretty easy to find and pursue a bride, but extremely difficult to continue that pursuit with the same intensity through the many seasons of marriage when you foster short term thinking in your relationships.

Continue reading the next subtopic:
The Early Marriage Stage of Family Development

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